I’ve been silent for a while. Part of me hates that, part of me knows I needed it. Breaks, regardless of what they are from, are key to a healthy lifestyle for me.
Due to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.
This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.
I’m feeling a little down today, and was thinking about a lot of the things I’ve heard in one way or another regarding my depression.
These are the most popular.
You’re anti-social. When I don’t say hello, or smile, it’s because I’m running the entire confrontation through my mind first because I’m nervous. By that time, usually the time has passed.
You’re always sad. Not sad, just thoughtful. 99% of the day I’m running past or present scenarios through my mind. It’s like a replay on repeat 24/7. So, if I’m not smiling, it’s not because I’m down, it’s because I’m in thought.
You’re so morbid. I like to think I’m realistic. As a depressive, I see things and experience things as they are, and can usually read between the lines of everyday niceties. I’m positively negative.
You never do anything. I actually do do things, it just might not be as much as you. That’s because I need time to myself to refuel, not because I don’t want to do anything with you.
You never smile. I do smile, somedays more than others. Again, usually I’m replaying interactions that have happened or will happen through my head.
You drop off the face of the earth. It might seem like that, but it’s actually because there’s too much pressure. When I don’t tweet, post, or text for a while, I’m just recharging.
You just sit in the bedroom all day. Most of the time, that’s because it’s my safe spot. I have control over the light, the environment, and what happens in it. I love other spaces, just not as much as I do my bedroom.
God, you eat a lot. Yep. It’s my comfort zone when I’m down. And… I’m working on it.
Do you struggle with depression? What are the most common things you hear? And how do you react to them? We’re in this together, let’s talk about it together!
I love yoga. I also love Jesus.
Nothing against the beliefs that many yogis cultivate at all, I just don’t roll that way. I’ll be honest, I tried, and it felt right for a while, but then the Holy Spirit began asking me to become focused on Him during my time on the mat.
So I struggled to find a balance between my religious beliefs and the yoga that I love so much. I finally found my niche. When I get on the mat, I don’t praise myself for getting on the mat, I praise God for meeting me on my mat.
I use the time on my mat as a prayer session. I use it to invite the Holy Spirit to meet me where I am and thank Him for the time together. Yeah, I know He’s always with me, but my mat time is a special time where we get to be face to face. If you’re looking for a good place to start, check out Caroline Williams Yoga YouTube Channel.
I’m gonna be real with you, none of this is right, or wrong, it just works for me!
What works for you?!
I’d love to hear how you deal with feelings getting in the way of things you love?
It all started with a stick.
My father-in-law reminded me today how important it is to experience the ‘real stuff’ of life. These days while I have my smart phone glued to my hand and melted to my eyeballs, experiencing life is so important. What is life, I ask?
Mania and eight hour days don’t mix. Then again, neither does introversion and going out to lunch with friends. So, I’m stuck!
That’s what I used to say. Since switching meds, and having to relearn how to manage my time at work, I’ve come across several things that have helped me get through.
Recently, I dipped my toes into the big world of small business. It’s scary, but with the right friends, it’s less scary.
Let’s start with the fact that I chose to:
- Get out of bed
Today I feel just ok. I don’t feel exceptional, gifted, or awesome in any form of the words.
I feel… ok. Normally, that would be just ok, just fine, just dandy. But, in my life, battling depression, bipolar, anxiety, and OCD on a daily basis, I might tend to think an ok day is much more than just ok.
I needed something this evening. Little did I know it was this yoga practice.
Let’s get to it.
5 Things that Rocked:
Makes you sweat. Some yoga practices are for days when you’re looking for something softer and less aggressive. When I’m looking to sweat, I go for an O’M Yoga practice – never lets me down.
A few days ago, I experienced the worst migraine in the history of mankind… ok, maybe not mankind, but definitely within my lifetime. For a great illustrated guide to what the life of a migraine, check out this infographic.
I’m that person who used to brush off those who suffered from migraines, (Sorry! I was stubborn, and now I know better!) thinking they were just bad headaches. I now understand the horrific pain that is a migraine.