As humans, we observe so many things every single day. We see love, hate, kindness, and negativity. I can’t imagine the hit our physical and emotional bodies take because of each one of these things we take in. Both in a positive and negative way.
I’d like to talk about some of the things I see.
I see a puppy who is getting up in age but still loves her belly rubs, playing tug of war, and going for walks. Yes, she gets sore, but she erupts with happiness the moment she sees me or my husband. I want to have more of that happiness in my life. She’s a great reminder that it can happen.
Have you ever had those days where you’re just like “How the hell did I get here?” I had one of those days today. I got so incredibly frustrated with almost everything. The house was a mess, the husband was mad, the dog needed things, and I just wasn’t enough.
After I got all my frustration out and settled down a bit, I was able to assess where I really was. To be honest, I didn’t like what I saw. I was angry, whiny, selfish, and just plain yucky. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to make some big changes so I don’t stay stuck in the spot I’m in. Because the worst spot in life to be is stuck.
I’m gonna get real here for a minute. Sometimes, I’d rather just sleep. Let’s face it, life is hard, it sucks, and when dealing with my depression and bipolar, it makes sleep a valid option and a necessary evil.
So, there are all the natural good reasons why sleep is excellent for your health. Things like recovery, memory processing, and simply rest. But, personally, I have other reasons why sleep helps me.
To bypass reality – my everyday life is full of reasoning, doubt, worry, and anxiety. It takes a lot of energy to work through all of those feelings. I understand people say don’t worry so much, or don’t doubt – it’s a waste of time. I understand that however, unfortunately, I can’t just turn it off. Instead, I decide to get extra rest.
I enjoy writing based on relevant and timely personal experience. This past weekend threw me way off balance. It takes me by surprise! I could be going along, making forward progress and then WHAM!, change happens.
Now you might be thinking ‘Goodness this girl is sensitive!’ And I would say ‘Yes, yes I am!’ I believe I am a lot more sensitive than others. One thing is for sure though, sensitivity does not make me weak, it’s just another level I have to work through in my every day.
I’m gonna throw some love out there. So many of my posts are about dealing with sticky situations that aren’t necessarily positive, so I thought I’d talk about a truly bright part of my life.
My therapist is my devil’s advocate, my friend, my rock, and my stepping stone. I find so much value in my sessions with her and found myself wanting to dive deeper into why I get so much out of these sessions and whether anyone else might feel the same way.
I’ve been silent for a while. Part of me hates that, part of me knows I needed it. Breaks, regardless of what they are from, are key to a healthy lifestyle for me.
When my mind gets going in so many directions it can’t remember what comes next, it’s time for a break. Sometimes it’s a break from everything, or just one thing. What’s frustrating is that I can’t plan when these breaks need to occur. It’s a lesson in patience to know when I need to back-off and take a rest.
Due to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.
This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.
Well, yeah, I’m ok… but this really sucks. So, instead of keeping my battle secrets to myself, I want to share them so maybe others don’t feel quite so alone.
Mania and eight hour days don’t mix. Then again, neither does introversion and going out to lunch with friends. So, I’m stuck!
That’s what I used to say. Since switching meds, and having to relearn how to manage my time at work, I’ve come across several things that have helped me get through.
Baby steps. By breaking down my 8 hours into smaller, bite sized pieces, it helps me stay focused so I can complete the tasks I set out to do. This also helps me to feel decent about the things I accomplish.
Brain breaks. After each task, I will take a short brain break and draw, read, or go get some water. It helps me accept what I’ve accomplished, and gives me the positivity to move onto the next task.
Throughout my journey with depression and bipolar, I’ve realized 2 very important things. The extremes of life are where they (depression and bipolar) want me to be, but the gray is where I strive to be. I desire to exist in the gray, because that is the balance between the high of my mania, and the low of my depression. It’s a little like doing standing ‘flys’ on a weight machine, except you never let the weight go.