Distorted Reality

mental health

mentalhealth

Hello beautiful writing community. I’ve been out of commission for a minute.

My husband’s grandfather, a man who I had the pleasure of getting close to, Pa – passed away July 1st. It was a bittersweet event that will be with me for the rest of my life. It was a blessing and an honor to stand next to him as he took his last breath. He was a beautiful man, and he will be missed. So I’m dedicating this post to him… Pa.

Being a survivor of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, I’ve realized through this struggle with grief, which is very new to me, that I fight with assimilating in order to make everyone around me happy. Along with this realization, I have also discovered that there is absolutely nothing False about any one person’s way of grieving.

Transformation Takes Two

mental health

diverse

Transformation

Well, if that isn’t a loaded topic, I don’t know what is.

But, we can do this, together. Here we go.

Transformation can be a difficult thing to imagine, see, and especially do. At this moment in my life, I’ve felt that I’ve been on the verge of transformation for some time. Now, things around me, my relationships, my hobbies, I’ve seen them transform— now, I believe it’s my turn. I want, more than anything, to safely lose the weight I’ve packed on over the years, and keep it off. Before that happens though, I now know that it can’t be just another fad diet or complete restriction—it has to come from within me.

Proposal for Purpose

mental health

passion

Now, finding a Purpose for things is easy. A hose brings water from one place to another. A lawn mower cuts the grass. Goggles keep water out of your eyes. A personal purpose is another story. If you feel like a fish out of water — you’re not alone.

I’ve struggled greatly with this, especially through my times of deep depression. As I begin crawling out of my deep, dark hole – I see how important understanding what my purpose is. Yet, there seems to be a huge learning curve. I have no idea where to start.

What I Learned From My Failed Whole30

fitness

w30

A Whole30 is 30 days without any sort of processed foods: no alcohol, no dairy, no processed stuff. It’s hardcore.

I’m the kind of person who likes to do 20,001 things all at one time, and believe that I can give 100% to each and every thing. Yeah… no. Not happening.

I am choosing not to look at this as a failure, but a learned lesson. I learned more about myself than I would’ve than if I hadn’t tried. And to me, that’s a success. This life is a journey, and the more I can learn about myself, the better.

I learned I lack discipline, right now. I can work on that. I can get better at that.

I learned that I’m focusing on getting my medication for my diagnosis of bipolar depression and anxiety right now. That’s my priority.