The story of my life is an elusive one. Some parts ai remember, other parts are locked in a prison far far away. I don’t mind it. I just figure some parts aren’t supposed to surface until just the right time.
Other memories pop up like fire crackers when I’m least expecting them. I imagine a unicorn transcends time. It’s cool all the time. I like to think the unicorn is tough on the outside while on the inside, it is filled with confetti-like glitter. Sometimes, that glitter is all sitting at the bottom like pennies at the bottom of a piggy bank, but sometimes, when something super magical happens, it floats around like balloons at a party.
I needed to release things today. Let go of them. Say ‘hit the road jack, and don’t come back.’ The willing release of things that don’t serve you is a practice that reaps positive rewards. And the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Here are 3 things that help me find, produce, and keep my peace: • Letting go. Life is going to happen whether I worry about it or not. Often times, I find a lot of my anxiety comes from trying to control too much. Now, it’s human nature for me to try to control, so learning to let go can sometimes be similar to pulling teeth. But, when I get that balance between the future, and the past, it equals the present, and being in the present is worth all the toil and trouble to get there. Surprisingly, letting go offers me a sense of stability, the complete opposite of what I think it would offer. This stability grows into contentment, and contentment grows into a vast and structured peace.
You may be thinking ‘Why would I WANT to be Open to the onus?’ An onus is after all basically a really shitty task, burden, or obligation.
That sounds awful. Right? It is if you choose to let it be awful. And that decision it completely up to you. Believe me, as I walk through my personality and depressive disorders, I’ve chosen to let that onus be really crappy more often than not, because for me, I’ve lived a life full of onuses that I’ve had to deal with while my brain is broken, which means, even though it may seem completely backwards, I’m comfortable in that uncomfortable space.
Today, for me, being open to my onus was choosing to say ‘yes’ to having coffee with a very dear friend of mine. You might say ‘But, that’s not a burden. That’s not an obligation. That’s fun and uplifting!’ On the contrary — to me, and my broke (but mending) brain it’s a scary, socially awkward, worrisome, new, anxiety-filled burden. An onus, if you will.
Not just any discipline, but self discipline. It’s said that self discipline is the key to utter happiness. Self discipline is not something learned overnight, or downloaded off the internet (believe me, I’ve tried everything!) – it takes lots of practice, repetition and falling down and getting back up.
So let’s put our big kid pants on and give it a try – shall we? I mean seriously – nothing worth going for is easy. And if this is the key to life happiness, then heck yeah!
Set yourself up for success: I’ve been reading that it’s best if you just kick out the distractions. Whatever that is for you, be it television, that trusty old smartphone, or, like me – food – get rid of it. Toss it. Pitch it. Turn it off! By getting out from under those things – it helps to allow a deeper sense of focus on what’s important.
A Whole30 is 30 days without any sort of processed foods: no alcohol, no dairy, no processed stuff. It’s hardcore.
I’m the kind of person who likes to do 20,001 things all at one time, and believe that I can give 100% to each and every thing. Yeah… no. Not happening.
I am choosing not to look at this as a failure, but a learned lesson. I learned more about myself than I would’ve than if I hadn’t tried. And to me, that’s a success. This life is a journey, and the more I can learn about myself, the better.
I learned I lack discipline, right now. I can work on that. I can get better at that.
I learned that I’m focusing on getting my medication for my diagnosis of bipolar depression and anxiety right now. That’s my priority.
I hope all my readers are having a wonderful Valentine’s Day! This fiance of mine did very well. Flowers, a wonderful dinner, and a cruise around town like we used to do. It was perfect. Whatever your perfect may be – I hope that’s how your day went.
Well, I’ve been kicking butt and taking names! I’ve stayed on track, and my eyes are focused up. The last three days have been killer:
Thursday (Day 4 of 1/2 training):
Cardio: 2.5 mile runWeightlifting: Kettlebell swings (20 reps, 10 lbs.), Deadlift (barbell only, 5 sets of 5), Lat pull-down (3 sets of 8-12, 40 lbs. – this one hurt a little!), Bent-over row (3 sets of 8-12, 10 lb. dumbells), Incline bicep curl (3 sets of 8-12, 10 lb. dumbbell)
Ladies (and guys), I’m here to tell you, you CAN be on a Whole30 (if you and Whole30 haven’t met yet, find out everything and some here. Go. Introduce yourself) and still have an awesome ladies’ night out. I speak from experience, after just getting back from one. It was a great night of love, laughter, God, and theater – and yes we went OUT to eat. In fact, we went to Chili’s and I’m proof you can eat whole, out.
In it’s basic form, a Whole30 is 30 days of eating whole, unprocessed food. And this girl is on a whopping DAY 20. I ain’t giving up now, nor am I letting go of a great evening with some of my favorite ladies. So, here’s how we got along, the Whole30 and I.