I’d Rather Just Sleep

mental health

I’m gonna get real here for a minute. Sometimes, I’d rather just sleep. Let’s face it, life is hard, it sucks, and when dealing with my depression and bipolar, it makes sleep a valid option and a necessary evil.

So, there are all the natural good reasons why sleep is excellent for your health. Things like recovery, memory processing, and simply rest. But, personally, I have other reasons why sleep helps me.

  1. To bypass reality – my everyday life is full of reasoning, doubt, worry, and anxiety. It takes a lot of energy to work through all of those feelings. I understand people say don’t worry so much, or don’t doubt – it’s a waste of time. I understand that however, unfortunately, I can’t just turn it off. Instead, I decide to get extra rest.

I Might Look Sweet, But I Listen To Angry Music… And Love It.

music

Whether it’s healthy or not, who knows. It works for me. There’s something deep-seeded and primordial that lives within me. And in order to relieve that pressure, I use various forms of therapy to help.  One of those forms of therapy is listening to deep, throaty, guitar-heavy, angry, passionate music. It’s like I’m a pressure cooker, and filling my ears with this glorious noise releases the steam.

I always thought it was something I just enjoyed, that was very different from my fellow female friends. Forget Brittney, give me some Slipknot.

Why The Unicorn Is My Spirit Animal

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The story of my life is an elusive one. Some parts ai remember, other parts are locked in a prison far far away. I don’t mind it. I just figure some parts aren’t supposed to surface until just the right time.

Other memories pop up like fire crackers when I’m least expecting them. I imagine a unicorn transcends time. It’s cool all the time. I like to think the unicorn is tough on the outside while on the inside, it is filled with confetti-like glitter. Sometimes, that glitter is all sitting at the bottom like pennies at the bottom of a piggy bank, but sometimes, when something super magical happens, it floats around like balloons at a party.

This Depression is Kicking my Butt

mental health

Due to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.

This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.

Well, yeah, I’m ok… but this really sucks. So, instead of keeping my battle secrets to myself, I want to share them so maybe others don’t feel quite so alone.

Dealing with BPD: Don’t Touch My Naptime

mental health

nap

I stumbled across a Pinterest post that struck a chord. First, let’s get the basics down:

Yes. I’m diagnosed with Bipolar.
Yes. My bipolar is paired with depression, anxiety, and OCD.
No. I do not use my diagnosis as an excuse, but rather as a challenge to change the discussion around mental illness. It’s not a taboo subject. Do not be ashamed. And don’t be afraid to ask questions!

The Final Pose

fitness

yoga
I just finished my 40 minute yoga practice (check it out —> Yoga with Adriene / 40 Min Beginner – it’s ‘yummy’!) and found I was surprisingly inspired by the final pose, the corpse pose, savasana.

I was inspired by how difficult it has always been for me, and maybe for others, and yet how restorative it is. I did some research and found that I’m not the only one that feels the difficulty. According to Yoga Journal, the pose is described as feeling like ‘nothing’. It’s beautiful! That’s exactly it. However, in my experience, a lot of work goes into that wonderful ‘nothing’ feeling. Yoga Journal suggests, when you find yourself ‘trying’ to experience the pose, to allow your brain to descend to the back of your skull (weird I know, but it works!), and to think of Abhinavagupta’s (you can read more about him on Wikipedia) wise saying:

“Abandon nothing. Take up nothing. Rest, abide in yourself, just as you are.”

Distorted Reality

mental health

mentalhealth

Hello beautiful writing community. I’ve been out of commission for a minute.

My husband’s grandfather, a man who I had the pleasure of getting close to, Pa – passed away July 1st. It was a bittersweet event that will be with me for the rest of my life. It was a blessing and an honor to stand next to him as he took his last breath. He was a beautiful man, and he will be missed. So I’m dedicating this post to him… Pa.

Being a survivor of depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, I’ve realized through this struggle with grief, which is very new to me, that I fight with assimilating in order to make everyone around me happy. Along with this realization, I have also discovered that there is absolutely nothing False about any one person’s way of grieving.

Weary Traveler

mental health

travel

As I sit here on the floor next to the closest outlet I could find /because we all know outlets are like gold among airports/ I reflect on what it means to be a traveler on a Voyage.

A voyage can be many things. A vacation. A business trip. A road trip. A kayaking trip. Mine happened to be a business trip, and while some might lose sight of the positive aspects of a business trip – this trip has reminded me how blessed I am.

Blessing #1: I have a company willing to invest their time and money in me and furthering my education on the products I deal with as a graphic designer for them. I love my job /not every day is perfect, but for the most part, I’m in love/ and always look for way to improve my view of what I work with.

Proposal for Purpose

mental health

passion

Now, finding a Purpose for things is easy. A hose brings water from one place to another. A lawn mower cuts the grass. Goggles keep water out of your eyes. A personal purpose is another story. If you feel like a fish out of water — you’re not alone.

I’ve struggled greatly with this, especially through my times of deep depression. As I begin crawling out of my deep, dark hole – I see how important understanding what my purpose is. Yet, there seems to be a huge learning curve. I have no idea where to start.