It’s been quite some time since I’ve written and for that, I’m sorry. I’ve been working through a huge growth period in my life – think complete care remodel, then double it. I’ve been so thankful for the time to spend on my journey to discover who I really am, and it’s also taken a lot out of me – emotionally, mentally, and physically. Triple whammy! Speaking of whammies – I’ve been updating the blog too! So, along with the changes to my person, I thought it was time to make some changes to my presence online – I hope you like them! I’ve had some trouble committing to writing and below are four things I’ve used to help build my confidence. I hope you read on.
Let’s talk about the love shack. Not the love shack in the widely popular B-52s song (although it was the inspiration for this post!), but the love shack we all have in our souls.
Our love shack is within. It’s where all of the types of love live within us. The joy, bliss, happy, insane, exploding, sarcastic, quiet, loud, and even angry love (believe me, angry love exists!) So, all these different types of love are dancing and grooving in your love shack at any given moment. It’s just a big ‘ol party in there, with glitter to boot.
I feel like there would be a lot of rainbows and glitter. Which, to be honest, would kinda rock my world.
Readers, I think it’s time to get back in the saddle, right? I mean, I’m in a saddle, on my unicorn, why wouldn’t I want to pick it back up? I’m sharing with you with a new found transparency. I’m not here to please anyone or make miracles happen, I just want to share my truth with anyone who is kind enough to hear it. Please, share if you enjoy.
In all seriousness though, if a blog were a unicorn, it’d probably have like a million users, fresh new content with that ‘new car’ scent, and cute little blogger behind the keys clacking away at their next million dollar 500 words post. Perfection.
Have you ever had those days where you’re just like “How the hell did I get here?” I had one of those days today. I got so incredibly frustrated with almost everything. The house was a mess, the husband was mad, the dog needed things, and I just wasn’t enough.
After I got all my frustration out and settled down a bit, I was able to assess where I really was. To be honest, I didn’t like what I saw. I was angry, whiny, selfish, and just plain yucky. I’ve come to a point in my life where I need to make some big changes so I don’t stay stuck in the spot I’m in. Because the worst spot in life to be is stuck.
I’m gonna get real here for a minute. Sometimes, I’d rather just sleep. Let’s face it, life is hard, it sucks, and when dealing with my depression and bipolar, it makes sleep a valid option and a necessary evil.
So, there are all the natural good reasons why sleep is excellent for your health. Things like recovery, memory processing, and simply rest. But, personally, I have other reasons why sleep helps me.
To bypass reality – my everyday life is full of reasoning, doubt, worry, and anxiety. It takes a lot of energy to work through all of those feelings. I understand people say don’t worry so much, or don’t doubt – it’s a waste of time. I understand that however, unfortunately, I can’t just turn it off. Instead, I decide to get extra rest.
I’m gonna throw some love out there. So many of my posts are about dealing with sticky situations that aren’t necessarily positive, so I thought I’d talk about a truly bright part of my life.
My therapist is my devil’s advocate, my friend, my rock, and my stepping stone. I find so much value in my sessions with her and found myself wanting to dive deeper into why I get so much out of these sessions and whether anyone else might feel the same way.
Due to med changes and brain chemistry alignments, my depression has reared it’s ugly head yet again.
This is the kind of depression that I had when I was first diagnosed, and just getting on medication. So, it’s ugly and angry. And all I can do is keep fighting. It’s a silent battle. One I don’t like to talk about because it makes me feel weak. It’s a battle that is raging in my head while on the outside I seem… fine.
Well, yeah, I’m ok… but this really sucks. So, instead of keeping my battle secrets to myself, I want to share them so maybe others don’t feel quite so alone.
Throughout my journey with depression and bipolar, I’ve realized 2 very important things. The extremes of life are where they (depression and bipolar) want me to be, but the gray is where I strive to be. I desire to exist in the gray, because that is the balance between the high of my mania, and the low of my depression. It’s a little like doing standing ‘flys’ on a weight machine, except you never let the weight go.
I needed to release things today. Let go of them. Say ‘hit the road jack, and don’t come back.’ The willing release of things that don’t serve you is a practice that reaps positive rewards. And the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Here are 3 things that help me find, produce, and keep my peace: • Letting go. Life is going to happen whether I worry about it or not. Often times, I find a lot of my anxiety comes from trying to control too much. Now, it’s human nature for me to try to control, so learning to let go can sometimes be similar to pulling teeth. But, when I get that balance between the future, and the past, it equals the present, and being in the present is worth all the toil and trouble to get there. Surprisingly, letting go offers me a sense of stability, the complete opposite of what I think it would offer. This stability grows into contentment, and contentment grows into a vast and structured peace.